valentines

How does it feel to be in love with you?

I am beautifully independent.

I trust you and my heart knows that you love me and can leave me anytime. It’s okay.

You are not perfect, but genuine.

I feel protected when I am around you.

I don’t need to pretend that I am strong.

I am okay being ugly with you.

I don’t need to be vocal about my love, my actions are enough.

I am living the moment and feel alive, when I am with you.

I can cry and can wipe your tears too.

I am not into boring sex, we can actually watch “Netflix and chill.”

I am happy, when I see you peacefully sleeping.

I feel a connection, even when I touch you. I stay “five feet apart” from other men.

I know the fact, that I will never be the same when you will leave me.

It is scary. But you cannot break a broken heart.

My love is so deep that I’ll let you go. Whenever you want.

I know you are always there, mentally.

I am not over thinking and screwing up things.
Because
Today
You are mine. And
I know this.

I know, that I am in love.
Maybe, for a while
With a man, who is
Not, my “Prince charming”
On a white horse.

But, you are the reason
I smile more.
I smile to the level, that
I end up crying.
That’s how it feels
To be
In love
With you.
Noor

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valentines

And the valentine’s letter…




14 Feb 2020

Spring days, Calcutta

I was sweet 13 and then I met you.
From that very moment I knew that this eye contact will last for a longer time. I remember every word, fight and each moment you came closer to me. I believe every force made us fell for each other.

That smile on my face, when you were around. Remember?
I never touched your hands but you were always there beside me .

And that legit old school proposal. I still elicit how I said “no” without a rose.

With time and maturity,
This unconditional love asked me to let you go and  achieve your dreams at a very young age.
I had numerous sleepless nights
when you were awake at the border.
I acted, as if I never loved you, but the love was so immense and selfless, that the feeling was enough for me to stay without you forever.

But you, annoying kid, look at you.

you never let another men enter in my life . You, a young, dramatic and sensitive soldier of 24 promised to hold my hands forever and asked me to be yours even after death.

How can we forget that struggle?

And unfortunately even at 43, I still love every inch of yours.

No doubt, your uniform used to stink, once you used to be back from the training. But now, I take care of it everyday. I still take care of your ties and lost name badges, over which we used to fight at sharp 7:00am.

Obviously, you were a mess without me.
But, I am never going to be tired of you.
I love you. Always loved you. Loved all of you, your flaws and imperfections.
Look into my eyes. If I am lying. (As I always say)

I just miss your touch sometimes.

You are alive, in every breathe of mine.
Unfortunately, my only valentine.

To,
Martyr Sq. Ldr Ajay ahuja
From,
Retd. Sq. Ldr Noor ahuja

Happy valentines.

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